Author: Derek Sivers

ISBN: 978-1988575070

One of my favorite author's guidelines on how ti live.

EXCERPTS

We do so many things for the money, whether we need it or not. But what if you had so much money that you couldn’t possibly want any more? What would you do then? What would you stop doing? And then if you stopped doing all these things you’re doing just for the money or the attention, what would be left? Who would you be if you didn’t do these things? If you were completely satiated, then what? After an understandable period of relaxing, what would you pursue?

No matter what you tell the world or tell yourself, your actions reveal your real values. Your actions show you what you actually want. There are two smart reactions to this: Stop lying to yourself, and admit your real priorities. Start doing what you say you want to do, and see if it’s really true.

If they really wanted to do it, they would have done it.

Keep earning your title, or it expires. [reminds me of the Special Forces: Selection is a never ending process.]

Someone who played football in high school can’t call himself an athlete forever. Someone who did something successful long ago can’t keep calling himself a success.

It’s crucial to know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Most people don’t know. They just go with the flow. Social norms are powerful. The inputs that influence you are powerful. A great talk, book, or video can instantly change how you think. But on your death bed, you don’t want that horrible regret, feeling like you spent your life pursuing what someone said you should want, instead of what you actually wanted. For example, if you want to make a lot of money, you need to admit that. If you want to be famous, you need to pursue that. If you want freedom and no responsibilities, or want to learn as much as possible, or whatever else, you need to realize it and embrace it. Whatever you decide, you need to optimize for that goal, and be willing to let go of the others. You can’t diffuse your energy, trying to do a little bit of everything, or you’ll always be in conflict with yourself.

Maybe the most important thing to you is learning, or creating, or giving. Maybe it’s how many people’s lives you can influence. Maybe it’s how deeply you can influence just a few people’s lives. Once you realize what you really want and admit it, you need to pursue it. If you want freedom, then own a business but delegate all the work. You won’t be learning or creating or giving as much as you could with a different strategy, but that’s OK. You know freedom is what you’re after.

Sometimes your best strategy is counter-intuitive. If you have a high paying job, but realize that charitable giving is what matters most to you, then the best strategy is not to quit your job to go hang mosquito nets in Africa, but actually to keep your job and make as much money as you can, while funding organizations in Africa that hang thousands of mosquito nets. (Unless your goal is just to look charitable. Then admit that to yourself, too.)

Copying the competitor seemed out of the question. It took me a long time to swallow my pride and realize that I’d be doing my clients a favor if I imitated that idea. So I copied it, and it was one of the most successful things I ever did.

Public comments are just feedback on something you made. They’re worth reading to see how this thing has been perceived. You can even take it as feedback on the public image you’ve created. All people know is what you’ve chosen to show them. So if your public persona is coming across wrong, try tweaking it. Never forget that the public you is not you.

Character predicts your future. The disciplined ones had succeeded. The temperamental ones had flamed out. The ones who’d acted like leaders were now leaders. The ones who’d blamed everyone else for their lack of results were still doing just that. It didn’t matter where they were before. What mattered was the direction they were headed.

How you do anything is how you do everything. It all matters.

Some people are mostly focused on the present moment. They live for today and do what feels good right now. Some people are mostly focused on the future. They use today as a stepping stone and do what’s best for their future selves. Both mindsets are necessary. You need a present-focus to enjoy life. But too much present-focus can prevent the deeper happiness of achievement. (I call this “shallow happy” versus “deep happy”.)

If I’m acting too undisciplined, I realize it’s because I’ve stopped vividly seeing my future. I can only see the present. If I’m acting too disconnected, I realize it’s because I’m obsessed with my goals. I can see only the future.

If you’re not feeling “Hell yeah, that would be awesome!” about something, say no. It’s an easier decision. Say no to almost everything. This starts to free your time and mind.

Though it’s good to say yes when you’re starting out, wanting any opportunity, or needing variety, it’s bad to say yes when you’re overwhelmed, over-committed, or need to focus.

Refuse almost everything. Do almost nothing. But the things you do, do them all the way.

This is a decision to stop deciding. It’s one decision, in advance, that the answer to all future distractions is “no” until you finish what you started. It’s saying yes to one thing, and no to absolutely everything else.

Art is useless by definition. If it was useful, it would be a tool.

People say that your first reaction is the most honest, but I disagree. Your first reaction is usually outdated. Either it’s an answer you came up with long ago and now use instead of thinking, or it’s a knee-jerk emotional response to something in your past.

Now it wasn’t stressful, except for one thing: the impatient queue of cars behind me. I care (perhaps too much) about other people, so just seeing them in my mirror made me go back to driving faster than I wanted, which brought back all the original problems. So I made one simple tweak: I tilted my rear-view mirror up towards the ceiling so I couldn’t see anything behind me. That little tweak changed everything! Now it feels like I’m almost alone on this gorgeous mountain drive. Going at my own pace, not influenced or stressed by anyone else.

You know I’m going for the metaphor here: Social media comments, Distracting environments, Discouraging family members, Your email inbox. Even the toughest of us have delicate motivation. When you notice that something is affecting your drive, find a way to adjust your environment, even if that’s a little inconvenient for others.

To bring something new into your life, you need somewhere to put it. If your current habits are filling your day, where are these new habits supposed to go?

Empty time has the potential to be filled with great things. Time filled with little things has little potential.

I tell them I can help, and tell them to show up at my studio at 9:00 if they’re serious. Nobody ever does. It’s how I weed out the really serious ones from the kids who just talk.

Kimo’s high expectations set a new pace for me. He taught me that “the standard pace is for chumps” — that the system is designed so anyone can keep up. If you’re more driven than most people, you can do way more than anyone expects. And this principle applies to all of life, not just school.

So a few times a week, I’d get on my bike and go as fast as I could for the fifteen-mile loop. I mean really full-on, 100 percent, head-down, red-faced sprinting. I’d finish exhausted and look at the time: forty-three minutes. Every time. Maybe a minute more on a really windy day, but basically always forty-three minutes. After a few months, I noticed I was getting less enthusiastic about this bike ride. I think I had mentally linked it with being completely exhausted. So one day I decided I would do the same ride, but just chill. Take it easy, nice and slow. OK, not super slow, but dialing it back to about 50 percent of my usual effort. And ahhh… what a nice ride. I was relaxed and smiling and looking around. I’m usually so damn driven, always doing everything as intensely as I can. It was so nice to take it easy for once.  When I finished, I looked at the time: forty-five minutes. Wait — what?!? How could that be? Yep. I double-checked: forty-five minutes, as compared to my usual forty-three. So apparently all of that exhausting, red-faced, full-on push-push-push I had been doing had given me only a 4 percent boost. I could just take it easy and get 96 percent of the results. And what a difference in experience! To go the same distance, in about the same time, but one way leaves me exhausted, and the other way, rejuvenated. I think of this often. When I notice that I’m all stressed out about something or driving myself to exhaustion, I remember that bike ride and try dialing back my effort by 50 percent. It’s been amazing how often everything gets done just as well and just as fast, with what feels like half the effort. Which then makes me realize that half of my effort wasn’t effort at all, but just unnecessary stress that made me feel like I was doing my best. [To be honest; I did a similar bike test myself. When I took the usual climb at a hard but still pleasant effort I was about 20% slower than my all-out effort one week ago. Which is about more realistic number than 4%. Also with effort in other life areas.]

When I was twenty-two, I quit my job and spent five months alone in a house on a remote part of the Oregon coast. Practicing, writing, recording, exercising, and learning. No internet. No TV. No phone. No people. I drove into the city only once a month to see friends and family. The rest of the time, I was completely disconnected. In those five months, I wrote and recorded over fifty songs, made huge improvements in my musicianship, read twenty books, and got into the best physical shape of my life.

It made me think about all the unlikely places we can get what we want. Some people think they need to go all the way to Thailand to meditate, or to India to learn yoga. But of course these are things they can do for free at home. Some people think they need to pay a fortune to a university for a great education. But the top schools have all their courses online for free. And this idea isn’t just about locations. Some people think they need expensive equipment to start a new hobby, certain clothes to look the part, or for everything to be just right. But resourceful people know they don’t. It’s so important to separate the real goal from the old mental associations. We have old dreams. We have images we want to re-create. They’re hard to untangle from the result we really want. They become excuses, and reasons to procrastinate.

People sometimes ask my help in making big decisions. They’re usually trying to decide between two options. But that’s not a decision — that’s a self-created dilemma! You have to remember that there are always more than two options. As an example, a friend was trying to decide whether to stick with his frustrating job or quit to start his own company. I suggested some other options: Build your new company outside of work hours. Do this until the income from the new company is 50 percent of your salary; then quit. Show up to your job, but secretly just work on your own company all day. Do this until you get fired. Bring your new-company idea to your boss and propose it as a division of their company, so you can stay on salary. Do neither, and move to New Zealand to be a tour guide.

Imagine you’ve got a big question like, “Should I quit my job and start my own company?” You go ask the advice of some successful people you respect. Because they can’t know everything about you and your unique situation, they’ll give advice that’s really just a reflection of their own current situation.

The problem is taking any one person’s advice too seriously. Ideally, asking advice should be like echolocation. Bounce ideas off of all of your surroundings, and listen to all the echoes to get the whole picture. Ultimately, only you know what to do, based on all the feedback you’ve received and all your personal nuances that no one else knows.

Life is like any journey. You need to change directions a few times to get where you want to go. Early in your career, the best strategy is to say yes to everything. The more things you try, and the more people you meet, the better. Each one might lead to your lucky break. Then when something is extra-rewarding, it’s time to switch strategies. Focus all of your energy on this one thing. Don’t be leisurely. Strike while it’s hot. Be a freak. Give it everything you’ve got. If by chance it was a dead-end road, then switch your strategy back to trying everything. Eventually your focus on something will pay off. Because you’re successful, you’ll be overwhelmed with opportunities and offers. You’ll want to do them all. But this is when you need to switch strategies again. This is when you learn to say “hell yeah or no” to avoid drowning.

Now you admit you’ve arrived at your first destination. This is where you stop following old directions, and decide where you’re going next. The new plan means you need to switch strategies again.

Are you trying to pursue many different directions at once? Are you frustrated that the world wants you to pick one thing, because you want to do them all? The problem is thinking short term — assuming that if you don’t do all the things now, they won’t happen. The solution is to think long term. Do just one thing for a few years, then another for a few years, then another. If you’re thirty now and have six different directions you want to pursue, then you can do each one for ten years, and have done all of them by the time you’re ninety. It seems ridiculous to plan to age ninety when you’re thirty, right? But it’s probably coming, so you might as well take advantage of it. You can fully focus on one direction at a time, without feeling conflicted or distracted, because you know you’ll get to the others. [Gwen Jorgensen on switching from marathon to 10k: My goals arent changing, but my timeline is.] [Even if your goals change, it is fine. Don't stick with your previous goals, if they don't anymore reflect your true wants.]

Most people overestimate what they can do in one year, and underestimate what they can do in ten years.

It felt so good to think it was all my fault! This is way better than forgiving. When you forgive, you’re still assuming that they’re wrong and you’re the victim. But to decide it’s your fault feels amazing! Now you weren’t wronged. People were just playing their part in the situation you helped create.

What are the odds of winning the big lottery? Fifty million to one? Ah, but that’s if you’re being egocentric and thinking only of yourself! Someone always wins it. So what if you look past yourself and ask, “What are the odds that this rare thing will happen to someone?” 100 percent. That’s a nice reminder when the odds seem impossible. Amazingly rare things happen to people every day.

The excitement was in finding them, not keeping them.

A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away. His neighbors said, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We’ll see.” A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses following. The man and his son corralled all twenty-one horses. His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see.” One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs. His neighbors said, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We’ll see.” The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted. His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see.”

I continue to do my work. I tell my little tales. I share my point of view. Nothing spectacular. Just my ordinary thoughts. One day someone emailed me and said, “I never would have thought of that. How did you even come up with that? It’s genius!” Of course I disagreed and explained why it was nothing special. But afterwards, I realized something surprisingly profound: Everybody’s ideas seem obvious to them. So maybe what’s obvious to me is amazing to someone else?

We’re clearly bad judges of our own creations. We should just put them out there and let the world decide. Are you holding back something that seems too obvious to share?

For both of them, I prescribe the lifestyle of the happiest people I know: Have a well-paying job. Seriously pursue your art for love, not money. Your attitude is different than someone who needs the money. You don’t need to worry if it doesn’t sell. You don’t need to please the marketplace. You don’t need to compromise your art or value it based on others’ opinions. You’re just doing this for yourself — art for its own sake. And you’re releasing it because that’s one of the most rewarding parts — important for self-identity — and gives you good feedback on how to improve.

Most full-time artists I know only spend an hour or two a day actually doing their art. The rest is spent on the boring work that comes with trying to make it a full-time career. So skip the art career and just do the art.

Don’t expect your job to fulfill all your emotional needs. Don’t taint something you love with the need to make money from it. Don’t try to make your job your whole life. Don’t try to make your art your sole income. Let each be what it is, and put in the extra effort to balance the two, for a great life.

When we wonder what’s worth doing, we ask ourselves, “What do I really love?” or “What makes me happy?” That question never really goes well, does it? Maybe it’s because there’s a long list of things that make us happy, and we need to narrow it down further. Or maybe because the things with the deepest rewards don’t always provide shallow pleasures along the way. So try this question instead: What do you hate not doing? What makes you feel depressed, annoyed, or like your life has gone astray if you don’t do it enough? Answers to this double-negative question seem to be better indicators of what’s really worth doing.

Years ago, I was so confident and so naive. I was sure I was right and everyone else was wrong. After I sold my company, I felt ready to do something new, so I started to learn. But the more I learned, the more I realized how little I knew and how dumb-lucky I had been. I continued learning until I felt like an absolute idiot. By then I was paralyzed, unable to create anything new. I’d start to make new things, but then see how stupid they revealed me to be, so I’d stop. I lost all confidence. I spent a few years completely stuck. Eventually, some new thoughts helped: Learning without doing is wasted. If I don’t use what I learn, then it was pointless! How horrible to waste those hundreds of hours I spent learning, and not turn it into action. Like throwing good food in the trash, it’s morally wrong. This isn’t about me. How I feel in this moment doesn’t matter — it will pass. Nobody’s judging me because nobody’s thinking of me. They’re just looking for ways to improve their own lives. The public me is not the real me anyway, so if they judge my public persona, that’s fine. The work is the point, and my work is unique. If I can do something that people find useful, then I should. It doesn’t matter if it’s a masterpiece or not, as long as I enjoy it. I’ve got my own weird angle on things that’s a useful counter-melody in the big orchestra of life.

A new college campus was built, but one thing was still debated: Where in the grass should we put the paved walkways? Some people thought the walkways should go around the grass, to leave it green. Some thought the walkways should cut across diagonally. One professor had the winning idea: Don’t make any walkways this year. At the end of the year, look where the grass has worn away. That shows where the students are walking. Then just pave those paths.

So when should you make decisions? When you have the most information, when you’re at your smartest: as late as possible. Resist the urge to figure it all out in advance. Realize that now, in the beginning, is when you know the least.

I meet a lot of people who want to start a business. Some don’t have an idea yet. I don’t understand this. It’s like wanting to wear a bandage when you don’t have a wound.

I thought I was being selfless. But actually, like most things we consider selfless, they benefit me as much as him.

Time really is limited. We can’t pretend it’s not. Time spent doing one thing is time spent not doing something else. It’s so easy to waste time doing stuff that’s not important, not really fun, and not useful to anyone, not even yourself. It’s so hard to fight the resistance to do the more difficult but more important thing. Finishing that book. Writing that song. Launching that project.

Things I learned in the past are now wrong. Times have changed. Beliefs that were true are now false. They were based on old limitations that are now gone. Ways that used to work don’t work anymore. The old road collapsed. There’s a tunnel through the mountain now. When the old map is wrong, we can’t just draw a new line on it — we need to get a new map or we’ll be following closed roads. The solution is deliberate unlearning. Doubt what I know. Stop the habit of thinking I know it. Require current proof that it’s still true today. Otherwise, let it go. [Mark Twain: It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.]

Where I had expertise before, I don’t now. People ask my advice on things I knew well years ago. It’s tempting to think I still know the answer, but instead I have to admit, “Sorry. I don’t know.”

We don’t get wise just by adding and adding. We also need to subtract.

Life can be improved by adding, or by subtracting. The world pushes us to add, because that benefits them. But the secret is to focus on subtracting.

The adding mindset is deeply ingrained. It’s easy to think I need something else. It’s hard to look instead at what to remove. The least successful people I know run in conflicting directions, are drawn to distractions, say yes to almost everything, and are chained to emotional obstacles. The most successful people I know have a narrow focus, protect themselves against time-wasters, say no to almost everything, and have let go of old limiting beliefs. More people die from eating too much than from eating too little. Most of us have too much baggage, too many commitments, and too many priorities.

I often tell people about a great book I think will help them, but sometimes they dismiss the book because they heard something they didn’t like about the author. What I think they’re really saying is, “Now that I’ve proven that the messenger is not perfect, I don’t have to listen to anything they say.” But the act of reading a book is really about you and what you get from it. All that matters is what you do with the ideas, no matter the source. Apply them to your own life in your own way. It was never about them. It’s about you.

If you see a gorgeous painting that fascinates you, does it matter if you find out the artist didn’t pay her taxes? Would you stop enjoying the painting? If someone shows you a great way to memorize names, does it matter if you find out that person is an alcoholic? Would you no longer trust their memorization techniques?

We think the differences between our group and another group are greater than they are. But the differences among men, and the differences among women, are much bigger than the differences between men and women. So instead, to compensate for your tendency to exaggerate those differences, just assume that men and women are the same.

To make a change, you have to be extreme. Go all the way the other way. It will feel like overcompensating, but you have to stack a huge pile of bricks on the other side.

Nothing has inherent meaning. It is what it is and that’s it. We just choose to project meaning onto things. It feels good to make stories.

The purpose of goals is not to improve the future. The future doesn’t exist. It’s only in our imagination. All that exists is the present moment and what you do in it. Judge a goal by how well it changes your actions in the present moment.

A bad goal makes you say, “I want to do that some day.” A great goal makes you take action immediately. A bad goal is foggy, vague, and distant. A great goal is so clear, specific, and close you can almost touch it. (This is crucial to keep you going.)

A bad goal makes you say, “I’m not sure how to start.” With a great goal, you know exactly what needs to be done next.

A bad goal makes you say, “Let me sleep on it.” A great goal makes you say, “I can’t sleep! I was up until 2 a.m. doing this, then got up at 7 a.m. to do it some more.”

A bad goal makes you say, “I’ll do it as soon as I do this other stuff.” A great goal is so interesting and important that you can’t be distracted.

Some goals seem great. They impress your friends (“I’m going to bike across India”), satisfy an old wish (“I want to go into space”), or are good for you (“I’m going to lose thirty pounds”). But unless it changes your actions, right now, it’s not a great goal. Find another variation that excites you.

The word “inspiration” usually means “something that mentally stimulates you.” But “inspiration” also means to breathe in. The meanings poetically combine when you think of yourself breathing in thoughts, filling your body with ideas. But don’t forget to breathe out. People surf the web, reading pithy articles, looking for inspiration. People listen to hours of podcasts, looking for inspiration. Musicians, writers, artists, and everyone else, all scouring the world for inspiration. Breathing in, and in, and in, and in. Yet most of them aren’t feeling inspired enough. They’re looking for more, thinking that something else out there will truly inspire them. Want to know why? Because nothing is truly inspiring unless you apply it to your work (“work” meaning your life’s output, whether creative, business, or personal). In other words, your work, itself, is the inspiration. [Andy Frisella: People with the right mindset will succeed even without motivational speeches. And motivational speeches won't help those who don't have the right mindset.]

Inspiration is not receiving information. Inspiration is applying what you’ve received. People think that if they keep reading articles, browsing books, listening to talks, or meeting people, they’re going to suddenly get inspired. [Andy Frisella calls them success zombies.] But constantly seeking inspiration is anti-inspiring. You have to pause the input and focus on your output.

I hear so many people say, “But I haven’t found my true passion!” It’s dangerous to think in terms of “passion” and “purpose” because they sound like such huge overwhelming things. If you think love needs to look like Romeo and Juliet, you’ll overlook a great relationship that grows slowly. If you think you haven’t found your passion yet, you’re probably expecting it to be overwhelming. Instead, just notice what excites you and what scares you on a small moment-to-moment level.

You grow by doing what excites you and what scares you.

Whatever scares you, go do it. On a small level, it can be that little nervous moment, when you’re scared to talk to someone intimidating. You notice you’re scared. Aha! Whatever scares you, go do it. So you go talk to them. On a big level, it can be that huge terrifying idea that won’t go away. Starting a business. Visiting a country. Quitting your job. Whatever scares you, go do it. Fear is just a form of excitement, and you know you should do what excites you. Best of all, once you do something that scared you, you’re not scared of it anymore! As you go through life, doing everything that scares you, you fear less and less in the world. Legendary psychologist Abraham Maslow said it well: “Life is an ongoing process of choosing between safety (out of fear and need for defense) and risk (for the sake of progress and growth). Make the growth choice a dozen times a day.”

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